The measure of a society can be how well its people treat its animals

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book

Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function

Nobody has a more sacred obligation to obey the law than those who make the law

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking
less than you need

Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will
never find it out

While it's important to win, it's imperative to compete

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get other people interested in you

Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think

A book is a garden carried in the pocket

Peace if possible, truth at all costs

In every generation there has to be some fool who will speak
the truth as he sees it

A newspaper is not just for reporting the news, it's to get
people mad enough to do something about it

Few sinners are saved after the first 20 minutes of a sermon

We laugh at that which we cannot bear to face

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

You cant fight city hall, but you can sure burn it down

A life is not important, except in the impact it has on other lives.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

I don't know, Brain.. Me and Pippy Longstockings? What would the children look like?