Women's Bedtime Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long. One who thinks before he speaks, When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. And as I kneel to pray by my bed, I gaze regretfully at the creep you sent me instead.

Amen.

Men's Bedtime Prayer

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store.